Photographs of my daughter

“Mommy, why are you taking so many pictures of me?” My daughter asks, her nose coming very close to my camera lens as she brings her head in towards me. “You know you have me forever, you don’t need so many pictures.” Her voice and face give me a premonition of the eye rolls and sighs coming my way when I meet her 12 year old self.

I’m taking pictures of my daughter as she frolics in front of me, playing with some plastic fish, a stuffed cat and a stuffed dog and wanting to engage me in a game of “feed the pets”.

She thinks I’ll have her forever. That’s all she can imagine. It’s what I pray for – a long life watching my children grow up and lead healthy productive, independent and happy lives. I fervently hope I’ll have my daughter in my life for many years to come, but I certainly won’t have this little four and three quarters year old girl in my life forever. The one who wears her heart on her sleeve, the one whose day will range from giggles and glee to pensive contemplation of life’s many mysteries to crying with heartbroken tears over some 4 year old sorrow. The one whose hair falls in her face as she concentrates on some craft or drawing, the one whose eyes start to laugh before the rest of her when she is filled with delight about something. No, this four and three quarter year old daughter is mine for only a blink of an eye and so I want to capture her sweetness, her energy, her mystery on film, a memento of a fleeting moment of motherhood.

My daughter’s innocent remarks lingers with me, “You’ll have me forever.” It’s moments like this I want to cling to and grab on to to keep with me, but I know if I grab too tight she’ll wriggle away and run away laughing at silly mommy. This balance of motherhood, the hanging on and simultaneous letting go, being there for my children, but letting them learn for themselves, this constant tug of war of motherhood will be an ongoing challenge and blessing for me as I watch my children grow and mature.

But for now, I put the camera down and grab the plastic fish my daughter holds out to me; its time to feed the pets and I don’t want to miss a second of it.